More Discomfort

Last week I wrote about getting comfortable being uncomfortable. And, I believe, the concept applies to many areas of our lives. In the previous post, I talked about discomfort as it applies to hunger and gaining weight (Here it is) And, this week, I would like to come at it from a different angle.

Another way we need to get comfortable being uncomfortable has to do with the emotion of fear. Fear is a pervasive emotion. All of us experience fear because, as legendary psychologist Aaron Beck said, “Evolution favors anxious genes.”

I am certainly not saying anything revolutionary when I say that anxiety is uncomfortable. But, what's very interesting, is the fact that many times people aren't even aware they are anxious. Sometimes we just feel uncomfortable. 

We live in a age of comfort. Comfortable shoes, comfort food, comfort bed, and a comfortable recliner. Being comfortable is very easy to do. All we have to do is grab a piece of pie, hop onto the sofa and watch television. Why be uncomfortable when we don't have to? It's a fair question, and I think it needs an answer.

As I have mentioned, fear is often experienced as discomfort. Often times we may not be consciously aware that we are feeling nervous. We simply feel uncomfortable. Understandably, most people try to avoid the feeling of discomfort. Thus, most people avoid their fears. Avoid being the key word. Pick up just about any textbook on psychology and it will say something to the effect of, “Avoidance is the hallmark of anxiety.”

The logic is perfect. Feeling fear is uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is undesirable. Thus, people avoiding feeling fear. Totally reasonable and completely understandable. But, this tendency to avoid can also be very destructive.

It is a very natural human tendency to fear the unknown. Whenever we encounter a novel situation, our brains have been wired to be cautious. As I have stated, “Evolution favors anxious genes.” If it turns out the new situation is harmless, it's no big deal that we were scared, because at least we're safe. Conversely, if the new situation is dangerous, and we weren't on guard, we could be harmed, perhaps even killed.

This is something we know as the “false positive.” Better to be alert when no danger exists, then to be calm when trouble is near. And, when I say “better,” I mean it in a survival sense. For most of human existence, survival was our main concerns. But times have changed.

Nowadays, if you live in a developed country, survival is pretty much a given. Listen, I realize tragic diseases do exist. I even wrote about Ebola a couple weeks ago (Here it is) But, these diseases are quite rare. When you add on the fact that we have deadbolts on our doors, ambulances at the ready, and emergency rooms with experts, most people will go decades without a serious risk to their lives.

The problem is, no one told our brains. Our brains are still wired to be fearful. And, this holds a lot of us back. As I've mentioned, we experience fear as discomfort. A lot of people don't even recognize the discomfort as fear, especially men. We simply avoid the thing that is making us uncomfortable. This is a big mistake.

I believe we need to become masters of our fears. We need to learn to feel the fear and still get done what needs to be done. In our work lives the destruction of fear is obvious. Maybe you're a salesperson and you're afraid to make prospecting calls. Or perhaps you're an accountant and fearful of asking for a raise. But, of course, the problem of fear doesn't only apply to work. You could be a parent and in need of addressing a problem that has come up with another child. Or you could be a child and you need to suggest that maybe your dad is drinking too much.

To go back to ebola for just a second. Quarantine is an avoidance behavior. That girl, Kaci Hickox might be a little brash, but she certainly isn't infectious. What's more, both Nina Pham and Amber Vinson are fully recovered. And, Craig Spencer appears to be in the clear as well. Even people who definitely have the disease are not dying. Maybe ebola is not as scary as the media wants you to think. What I'm saying is, if you advocate for quarantine, that's fine. Just be aware that you are playing out the evolutionary instructions, which state we should live by the false positive.

All in all, what I'm saying is that we need to be honest with ourselves. When we're avoiding problems, we need to admit that we scared. It's also probably a good idea to forgive yourself for being afraid. Blame on it your genes. But, don't let it defeat you. In this modern age, avoidance simply doesn't work. We're all too connected. Instead, we need to get comfortable being uncomfortable.