Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Get comfortable being uncomfortable. This is easily one of the most important paradoxes in existence. It applies to lots of aspects of life. Let me tell you a personal story.

In the year 2014 I have gained a few pounds. My clothes have been feeling a little tighter and I don't like it. If you have ever gained weight (and haven't we all) isn't it curious how the weight just creeps up on you? I mean, we don't mean to get fatter. But one day a certain pair of jeans just ain't fittin' so well.

How does this happen? That's a question I have spent some time thinking about. What I realized was that I had gained weight because I was unwilling to be uncomfortable. As I'm sure you know, hunger is experienced as discomfort. And, sometimes, we just don't want to deal with hunger pangs.

For a long time I have heard a lot about “emotional eating” and I didn't totally understand what it was. I think dealing with hunger pangs is one element of emotional eating. A couple weeks ago I wrote a post about the television show Naked and Afraid. (Here it is) I really like that show. In addition to the ideas I expressed in that post, Naked and Afraid also drives home an additional point.

If you have ever seen Naked and Afraid, you have seen the contestants go for a week or two without eating. I can not imagine that to be very easy. But, as they say in the show, humans can go for about a month without eating. Personally, I would never intentionally go even a week without eating. But that's not the point.

The point is, you and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we don't need to eat on any given day. If you don't believe me, skip a couple meals. I promise you won't die. You won't even come close. What you will do is you will discover what it's like to experience hunger. Which is a good thing.

As you know, when your stomach empties it sends a message to your brain that it's time to search for food. The problem is this system was never intended for an environment that includes grocery stores and fast food restaurants.

When you start to experience a little bit of hunger, that's supposed to be a signal to begin looking for food. For most of human history it took some time to locate a good food source. Perhaps several days. In more primitive times, food tended to be scarce. So people had to live, with a low level pang, each and every day. The growl in the stomach would be a not-too-subtle reminder to keep looking for food.

Motivation science is a complicated arena. However, one thing we know is that humans like to avoid pain. Throughout human history, a good amount of effort and energy had to be expended to find food. For this reason the pangs of hunger had to be significant enough to be noticed. The pangs needed to be strong enough to motivate us into action.

The thing is, in the modern day, things have completely changed. We now have Walmart and McDonald's, and a million other ways to quickly, and easily, get food. And that's exactly what we do. When hunger calls us to action, we mosey over to the refrigerator.

I believe what happens is, over time, we forget what true hunger feels like. Most of us, living in developed countries, have never experienced real hunger. So, I believe the system is now backfiring. The hunger pangs that were meant to keep us alive are now killing us. Oh, the irony!

What I have discovered is that, yes, being hungry can be uncomfortable. But, I have also learned that we were made to live with a low level of hunger. It is definitely more healthy to go about our day while feeling hungry. And, yes, it's a little uncomfortable at first. But, I also believe that we can learn about the true nature of hunger. And this knowledge will help us to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Which is important!

I think this will be a good post for you to reread, in the New Year, when you might be a little more focused on losing some weight. I promise to reread it as well.

Ebola and Paul Ekman

The media can be such a pain in the butt. Right now they're going nuts about this Ebola thing. Listen, if you live in a developed country you probably have a better chance of being struck by lightning than of contracting Ebola.

Here is something I want you to consider. Have you ever heard of a gentleman by the name of Paul Ekman? Ekman is a psychologist of great repute. He's the one who taught us about the fact that the facial expression, of human emotion, is universal. Meaning, people around the globe, regardless of their language or culture, can read the emotions on other people's faces.

Let's do a little experiment. Look at the picture below. What emotion is this woman experiencing?

I'm pretty sure your answer was fear. It is clear that the woman is showing signs of being afraid. I want to draw your attention to one thing. Notice that one characteristic of the face of fear is a widening of the eyes. When we're afraid, our eyes tend to bug-out.

Most psychologists agree, the reason the eyes widen, when we are afraid, is so that we can maximize our field of vision. When we are in a dangerous situation, we need to take in as much information as possible. Hence the big eyes.

Though the media buffs might not explain it this way, keeping you locked in is exactly why they sell so much fear. When we are fearful we search for additional information. And, guess what the television news shows sell. Exactly, they sell you additional information. Their goal is not to put your mind at ease. Their goal is to sell their advertising slots for as much money as possible. To do this they need to keep you watching. This way their ratings go up. To keep you watching, they want to keep you afraid, so you'll keep coming back for more information.

Don't believe it. Don't buy into their game. Understand how you are being manipulated and you have a better chance of controlling your fears.

Work Smart or Work Hard? Which One?

Let me ask you a question. What should we do? Should we work smart or should we work hard? I think it's a legitimate question. This seems to be a debate which started back in the 1970's.

In the 70's, like today, colleges were working hard to increase their enrollment numbers. To that end, a campaign was created to preach the message, “Work smart not hard.” As a matter of fact, below is a poster which was produced during said advertising campaign.

As you can clearly see, the poster suggests that going to college is the way to work smart. And, working smart, according to these universities, is preferable to working hard. Grease monkeys be damned.

It's such compelling advice. It contains two elements that seem to have made the advice irresistible. I mean, most people believe that they're smart. Even more, people tend to take pride in their level of intelligent. And, honestly, who wants to work hard if they can help it? Smart, successful and lazy, how is that not a winning combination in the world of advertising?

I think people generally believe that smart work is what the upper-class does. It's more refined and sophisticated. Hard work is for the grunts. It conjures up images of sweat shops and even slavery. So, it only stands to reason that people would want to be viewed as sophisticated rather than as a slave. Thus, it isn't surprising that this old bromide, “Work smart not hard,” has taken such a strong hold.

The only problem is that it's bunk advice. It plays to the wishful side of our brains rather than the side of reason. To be blunt, I find it quite fascinating how often people willingly suspend reason in preference for fantasy. I reckon a guess that the person who proudly boasts, “I work smart, not hard,” also has a copy of The Four-Hour Work Week on his or her shelf. It's basically bull crap. I do understand, once you're successful, you might be able to work only four hours per week. But, to get to that level of success you're going to have to work four hours per hour.

Don't get me wrong, I'm down with fantasy. To dream, and escape, certainly has its place. But remember, the whole point of the poster's message has to do with the selection of a career. When it comes time to select your work, I recommend putting fantasy on the shelf. Unless, of course, you work for the Walt Disney company.

I believe better advice is to work both smart and hard. It's all about embracing the genius of and. Today we live in a knowledge economy. The two main creators of value are productivity and innovation. Both of which are applications of knowledge. So, for sure, we need to work smart.

It goes without saying that the organ of knowledge is the brain. If the brain is the main organ we use, I figure we should know how it works. For this reason, in the modern age, I believe it's very wise to study subjects like cognitive psychology. Which is exactly why I discuss emotions and paradoxes. Both are central elements in the life of the mind.

At the same time, life is largely built on competition. Especially in capitalist economies such as those which exist in North America. And, when competition reigns supreme, hard work is imperative. For example, take Mark Cuban. Cuban is a very smart guy. I don't believe it's possible to reach his level of success without being smart. Now, I don't know if the following quote is legitimately from Cuban, but I like the message nonetheless. Do you think Mark Cuban believes in working hard?

Naked and Afraid

My favorite television show, right now, has got to be Naked and Afraid. Have you seen it? If you haven't, you really should. The show is extremely compelling. It is so good. Though the season just ended, it was airing on the Discovery Channel on Sunday evenings.

The premise of the show is simple. Take one woman, and one man, strip them naked and force them to survive, in an inhospitable environment, for three weeks. I couldn't imagine doing it. There is no way I would last. I tend to give up when they forget to put cheese in my burrito.

As weird as it may sound, Naked and Afraid reminds me of two things from my favorite book. My favorite book is called Flow and it was written by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. The subtitle to the book is “The psychology of optimal experience.” (Here it is) You gotta read it!

Csikszentmihalyi is a professor of psychology, at the Claremont Graduate University, in California. In his book, Flow, he mentions a finding that is rather consist throughout the research. That finding is the following. When psychologists ask people to talk about someone they admire, the two traits which are most often cited, as reason for admiration, are courage and resilience. And, I think this is why Naked and Afraid is such a good and popular show.

We all know that people value rare things. The more rare something is, the more value people place on it. Obviously, this is what makes gold and diamonds, and all that stuff, so valuable. It's also the reason people admire, that is to say people value, courage and resilience.

Courage and resilience are traits which tend to be in short supply. And, the very essence of Naked and Afraid is that it tests the contestants on these highly admired traits. Of course, for the casual viewer, it also helps put our difficulties into perspective. Our daily fears generally pale when compared to walking barefooted through a jungle filled with snakes and spiders. And, when you watch somebody not eat for more than a week, it sure makes you feel like you'd be resilient enough to perhaps skip a meal.

Ever since reading Flow, I have tried to create a policy for myself. On a day to day basis, I try to build my levels of courage and resilience. This is because I know, like most people, being courageous and resilient does not come naturally. It's something we must work on. As often as possible, I try to remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

This leads to the second thing the Discovery show reminds me of. In Flow Csikszentmihalyi uses a word which isn't very common. That word is “Autotelic.” Even when I typed that word, just now, my spelling checker put a red line under it. Autotelic means, “Having a purpose in and not apart from itself.” Meaning, something that is its own reward.

An autotelic activity is an activity that you do simply to do. Meaning, it's something you do for fun. It's something we do even though there are no external rewards or punishments. Singing and dancing would be good examples of autotelic activities. For the most part, doing the laundry, or cutting the lawn, are not autotelic. Laundry and the lawn are exotelic, the opposite of autotelic.

As it turns out, autotelic activities tend to be more enjoyable than exotelic activities. Most people are not familiar with those terms. Nowadays, we tend to talk about intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. It's the same thing. But, a mistake that is often made, is people sometimes think intrinsic and extrinsic motivation are mutually exclusion. They are not. They can co-exist to varying degrees.

Part of what's so compelling is that the adventures, on Naked and Afraid, tend to be autotelic. That is to say they are intrinsically motivating. The show makes no mention of any sort of reward for finishing the challenge. The reward is simply that you finished the challenge. And that's the very definition of an autotelic experience.

A cynical soul may be thinking, “The reward is, they got to be on television.” To which I would agree, that probably does play a role. Some people simply like the fame, and others use the visibility to grow their businesses. But, that doesn't explain the end of the show.

If you have seen the show, you have seen the ecstasy on the contestants' faces when the challenge is over. If you haven't seen the show, you can imagine. After 21 days of misery, the couple reach the finish and that are ecstatic. The most common exclamation seems to be, “We/I did it!” That's an intrinsic reward. I highly doubt the people are thinking of all the leads they are going to get for their survival training business. If anything, they seem to be thinking about cheese burgers and cookies.

I'm not saying anything you don't already know. Bit I do think this is such a great lesson to learn, or to be reminded of. To put it very simply, becoming a better, more skilled person, is very rewarding psychologically. So, if you wish to experience true bliss, challenge yourself. Not for what you will get, but for who you will become.