The 10 Dumbest Mistakes - Part Eight

Chapter Thirteen – Beyond Insight

It's not enough to merely gain insight into your mistakes. It's also important to stop making them.

Insight is very important (but) insight is not enough. All your new knowledge will not help you unless you put it to work. As any scientist would admit, the true benefits of knowledge do not occur until that knowledge is used in practice.

Solving your own problems requires both knowledge and action … You must move beyond insight to action.

Scheduling Time … A written schedule can help you gain control of your life. If you are going to take an action, any action, you must make time to do so … Systematic use of schedules has proven a particularly effective tool for people who are victims of the Chicken Little syndrome of the what-if block … If you write down how you now spend your time, you may find that you spend a great deal of it worrying … Planning more effective use of your time forestalls or minimizes thinking mistakes … Schedules are particularly useful in times of crisis and extra stress, because when you are going through a difficult period, like divorce or illness, special responsibilities are added to your normal chores, duties, and activities. This can make you feel overwhelmed to the point where you don't even do the most routine things well … (If you are out of work) report for job hunting just as you would report for a job. Job hunting becomes the new job.

If you are overly stressed by an upcoming event it may be wise to schedule some preparation time.

Don't forget to schedule social time. Especially if you are a workaholic or a perfectionist. Sometimes people hesitate to throw a party for fear things will not be perfect enough.

Planning Experiences for Mastery or Pleasure

Planning pleasure – Planning a structured way to increase your pleasure can be especially beneficial to people who would like others to read their minds.

Building self-esteem – Success builds self-esteem, and so investing time in activities in which you know you will have success is worthwhile … Anything that you have handled successfully, no matter how small it is, is worth repeating.

Planning practice – The most talented actor needs rehearsal. Nobel Prize winning scientists try first this and then that until they find the formula that matters. And so it is with every human endeavor. Even the gift of gab is found most often in those who have practiced talking to others … If you tend to ask what if, the answers will come with practice.

Problem Solving … One of the most useful strategies in dealing with real problems is to ask: “What will it take to solve this problem?” instead of: “Can this problem be solved?”

Seeking solutions – When you are feeling stressed, you often reject a solution that occurs to you simply because it has occurred to you … Ask: “Has anyone, anywhere, ever succeeded in solving this problem?”

Breaking Your Goal Into Small Steps … Possibly the greatest single barrier to reaching any goal is the feeling that the action required is too big, too difficult, too costly, or too threatening … A technique for dealing with this is to think about a first step rather than the final goal.

Role Playing … Most people play more roles than they are aware of. They act stern with a child to enforce needed discipline even though they are inwardly amused. They act concerned about a customer's complaint even though they really think this customer is a crank. Etc … Role playing is a very powerful action technique. If you want to behave differently, you can play a different role.

Writing a script – It can be helpful to write a script in advance for the role you intend to play. Role playing works in all kinds of situations. If you are going to make a telephone call to sell something, you might pretend to be a salesperson who loves to make telephone calls, who is not at all bothered by fifty rejections because the fifty-first call might be successful.

Trying Out New Behavior … A related technique to role playing is trying out new behavior. That just means practicing a role. Teenage boys practice looking cool. Teenage girls practice looking glamorous. You can practice looking calm. You can practice a smile. You can practice just saying hello. You can practice a job interview with a friend.

Relaxation … You might not think that relaxation belongs in a list of action technique. But consciously making yourself relax can be very helpful action … Your aim is to take your mind away from whatever is causing tension and fixing it on something that will bring about relaxation. So the more deeply you think about, visualize, and describe to yourself that calming place, the calmer you will be.

Chapter Fourteen – Living Better

“One kind of happiness is to know exactly at what point to be miserable,” wrote seventeenth-century epigrammatist Francois duc de La Rochefoucauld.

Here's a simple and easy way to remind yourself of the therapy described in this book:
Think of the word IDEA as an acronym for:

I – Identify the thinking mistaking you are making. (Review those automatic thoughts flitting through your brain.)

D – Define the mistake. (What does it mean to you? How is it affecting you life? What evidence do you have that it exists?)

E – Evaluate your course of action. (Think of alternatives. Consider advantages and disadvantages.)

A – Act. Remember insight is only the first step. Now you must take action.

Life is like dust–constantly having to be cleaned up and cleaned off.

When it comes to a solution, you have to say: “It's up to me.”