Avoidance is the Hallmark

Legendary psychologist Aaron Beck says, “Avoidance is a hallmark of anxiety.” We tend to avoid the things that make us uncomfortable.

I believe this is important because growth is life's imperative. We need to keep growing. McDonald's owner, Ray Kroc, said something to the effect of, “When you are green you're growing. When you're ripe you rot.”

Growth is life's imperative. And, with growth comes fear and failure. Quite the conundrum, wouldn't you say?

For this reason, I feel we need to make friends with fear and anxiety. We need to understand that they are an integral part of the growth process.

Personally, on my desktop, I have a document titled, “Current Fears Worksheet.” This document is a journal of sorts. And, periodically, I will sit down and write about the fears I am facing.

I sit and tune-in to my internal broadcaster. The inner Vin Scully, so to speak. I chronicle the beliefs, and automatic thoughts, that have given rise to each particular fear.

Then, I work through the flawed logic which has led to my fear. For each fear, I think of a more rational and reasonable perspective regarding the situation.

For example, like many people, I tend to be a perfectionist. When I do not perform, just right, I tend to beat myself up. Especially as pertains my work. This causes me to avoid activities where I fear I may under perform.

Of course, the more rational and reasonable perspective is to remember that nobody is perfect. And, even if I do achieve perfection, it can actually drive people away. All of us have a hard time relating to, and a distrust of, perfection.

Do your best? Yes. Perfection? No.

Or, let us say you are afraid of flying in an airplane. To fix the problem you will first need to be honest with yourself. Do not make excuses or place blame. Simply admit that horrible ideas circulate, in your brain, when you think of flying.

Your mind might automatically think about dying in a fireball of a crash. Or, you may think about drowning, trapped inside, as the fuselage sinks into the ocean. Whatever the thoughts are you should work on gaining a new perspective.

Here is one possibility. Ask yourself this question, how many people fly each year? I can tell you this, a quick Google search suggests that 100,000 commercial flights take place every day! And, how often do we hear of a deadly plane crash? Maybe once a year.

Thus, your chances of being in a deadly plane crash are about 1 in 37 million. As far as probabilities go, this is essentially zero. How is that for perspective?

Hopefully this all makes sense. I recommend you periodically tap into your inner monologue. Sit quietly and listen in to the thoughts swirling around in your head.

Then, record the themes. Write down what is causing your anxiety. Anxiety is usually the result of distorted thinking. By systematically analyzing your fears you will be able to repair those distortion.

Admittedly, this is harder than it first sounds. So, you might consider looking for some help.

In addition to growing, fear is one of the main barriers to effectiveness. For the most part, if you want to increase your effectiveness, you want to decrease your level of fear. More on this later....