A Paradox of Self-Control

A couple week ago I wrote a blog about discipline. In that blog I ask the question of whether or not discipline is optional. My conclusion was no, in the domain of entrepreneurship, self-control is not an option. It is a necessity.

I think that is an important distinction because, as it turns out, not all domains are created equal. As far as domain differences, this post will start to explain what I mean.

Last year famed psychologist, Walter Mischel, released an excellent book about self-control. Not surprisingly, he named the book The Marshmallow Test. If you know much about social science, you have probably heard about the marshmallow test.

This is not the time for an elaborate discussion of the marshmallow test. But, I would like to hit on one interesting vignette from Mischel's book. As you undoubtedly know, we humans expect other people to be consistent. That is to say, we expect others to behave is a consistent manner.

Whether we realize it or not, we all have a basic assumption which believes that people's personalities are consistent. This belief is so deep that it can be used to influence people. Robert Cialdini, in his excellent book Influence, states that one of the levers of influence is “Commitment and Consistency.”

Cialdini notes that the societal expectation of consistency is so strong it can influence behavior. A person who behaves in a way that may be perceived as inconsistent is sometimes labeled “two-faced.” A juvenile tag, if ever there was one.

At the extreme we might accuse people of mental illness. We might suggest a person is "psycho" or schhizophrenic

We cast aspersion, with negative labels, to influence behavior. Regardless of the reasons, my point is, the expectation of consistency is deeply ingrained.

What I am saying is that it probably wise to develop a more mature understanding of human nature. What I mean is that life is much too complex to submit to a simpleton's understanding of human semantics. Let me give you a specific example.

There is a big paradox when it comes to self-control. Namely, a person can exhibit much self-control in certain areas of life, while being nearly free of self-control in others.

As you know, your level of self-control is considered an aspect of your personality. A individual is either said to possess self-control or not. This is due to the fact that life is complex and the human mind likes to utilize shortcuts. The shortcut, in this instance, is one of the main shortcuts the mind uses. It is called black-and-white thinking.

The human mind tends to want to see the world in black and white terms. Without effort it is hard to see shades of gray. What do I mean? Well, we tend to believe that a person either has self-control or she does not. You might even think of yourself as either a person with, or without, self-control. But, that turns out to not necessarily be the case.

In The Marshmallow Test, Walter Mischel uses former president Bill Clinton as an example of the complexity of life. President Clinton simultaneously has enormous self-control and zero self-control. When it comes to scholastics, the former president obviously has profound levels of self-control. He earned a Rhodes scholarship and graduated from what is probably the best law school in the world.

That said, when it comes to self-control, what Bill Clinton is better known for is his failures. Clinton's propensity for junk food earned him the label “Bubba.” And, his untamed libido ultimately led to his impeachment.

Isn't that interesting? The same exact individual can be both disciplined, and undisciplined, at the same time. You may ask, how can something both exist, and not exist, at the same time? Well, it is a paradox.

The resolution to this paradox comes largely from the fact that our personality exists in “silos” (to use a popular business term.) Stated differently, we commit different levels of resources to the different areas of our lives. The cause of such allocation decisions must be our personal value system.

This post was not meant to be an exposé on value systems. Rather it is a call to effort and understanding. I certainly believe in the merits of a simple life. That said, the truly simple life is only achieved through complexity. A paradox in and of itself.

I guess my suggestion is three fold. First, embrace the wisdom of the paradox. Second, do not beat yourself up for momentary lapses in self-control. And three, read Walter Mischel's book, when you get a chance, he is a living legend.