What If I'm Wrong?

Have you ever heard the saying, "Invert, always invert."?

To, “Always invert,” is magnificent advice that comes to us from the German mathematician Carl Gustav Jacob Jacobi. The statement was largely popularized by Charlie Munger. If you don't know who Jacobi is, you're not alone. If you don't know who Munger is, he's best friends, and business partners, with Warren Buffett.

This is such an important concept. So often we quickly make up our minds and then hold firm. Everyone has a shortage of time and few of us can sit around and debate things for very long. It really becomes a matter of priorities and necessity.

But life is so wonderfully complex that following common sense can sometimes get us in trouble. This is why Jacobi's advice is a great thing to have in the forefront of our minds. Whenever someone makes a statement, or a claim, I always try to ask myself, “What if the opposite were true.” The person making the claim might be exactly correct. But this little exercise helps me develop perspective.

We've probably all heard it said that great attorneys can argue both sides of a case. And for good reason. It's an excellent example of, “Invert, always invert.” When you can effectively make the other side's argument you are in a much better position to make your own case. When you understand the other person's perspective, you run less of a chance of stumbling on blind spots. I'm a big fan of common sense. The problem is that common sense often contains MANY blind spots.

Lots of us have been influenced by the work of the late Stephen Covey. When dealing with a communication breakdown Covey would often introduce a device he called the Indian Talking Stick. By Indian, Covey was talking about native Americans, and he says they taught the technique to the Founding Fathers of America. Covey called the talking stick, “The most powerful communication idea and technique I have ever found. Ever.”

Let's use a married couple as an example. When a husband and wife have reached a point where they have a hard time communicating, a facilitator might use Covey's stick. It goes like this. The wife is first given the stick. She then beats the husband, with the stick, until he opens up and starts talking with her. Just kidding.

Actually, it goes like this. The person with the stick is the only one permitted to talk. Let's again say it's the wife. In order for the stick to be transferred to the husband, he must first repeat back the meaning of his wife's words, until she is satisfied that he understands her. The process continues with the husband holding on to the stick until he is comfortable that his wife hears him. It's a great device to use. And it contains a paradox of sorts. Covey says most people think the talking stick will take too much time. When, in reality, it will save you tons of time. The paradox here would be, “Slow down to speed up.”

If you understand the nature of paradoxes, you'll understand why it's great advice to always invert. The fact of the matter is, two ideas can be seemingly contradictory and yet both be true! I wrote about paradoxes in this post: This is Fundamental to Your Life

One way to stave off a communication breakdown is to always consider that you may be wrong. (GASP!) I know, that might sound crazy, but it's a good idea. And one way to gain perspective on your thoughts is to invert, always invert. You can do this everywhere. If you like reading books, let me give you couple of examples.

Everybody has probably heard of the popular book Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson. But have you ever heard of the book Nobody Moved You Cheese by Ross Shafer? Why not read both books and then try to draw your own conclusions?

A few years ago Tom Friedman wrote a very influential book titled The World is Flat. The book's central premise is quite interesting. But before we jump to the conclusion that Friedman is correct, we might want to read the book Who's Your City by Richard Florida.

I am a big fan of a gentleman named Jim Collins. Jim has written some important books, none the least of which is called Good To Great. A lot of people are on the Collins bandwagon. And very few people have even heard of a book called The Halo Effect, written by Phil Rosenzweig, which directly contradicts Collins' work.

Realistically not too many people are going to read all those books. And that's fine. The point is to reiterate that we should invert, always invert. Shakespeare famously said, "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking making it so." I think that's Shakespeare's perspective on the importance of perspective. And, I believe, the device, "Invert, always invert," is a magnificent way to develop perspective.

Honor Your Errors

“Honor your errors,” is a quote I heard from Kevin Kelley. Kelley is the co-founder of Wired magazine. If you've never read a copy of Wired, do yourself a favor and pick one up. Kelley's three little words might be some of the most important words you'll ever imprint onto your brain.

Making mistakes, taking chances, committing errors; it's the only way to progress. In military parlance they say, in order to advance a general must expose his flank. Then there's the folksy saying, even the turtle can't get anywhere unless his sticks out his neck. And Will Rogers reportedly said, “You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.”

A lot of people, perhaps most, hate making mistakes. The truth is, failure scares us half-to-death. What I wonder is, when do people lose the ability to make mistakes? I'm not exactly sure but it's a very good question. We've all seen kids fall down and immediately pick themselves up as if it were no big deal. They almost don't even register what happened. It's as though they expect to fall down, so they aren't surprised when it happens.

But at some point most people become perfectionists. We lose the ability to make mistakes. How, and why, does it happen? Maybe it's our peer group laughing at us. Maybe it's genetic hard-wiring, like the fear of heights or the fear of snakes. Maybe it's our school system that punishes mistakes. And, maybe, it's all the above.

A big problem is that humans are also hard-wired to enjoy growing. This fact makes me doubt the idea that fear of failure (making mistakes) is hard-wired into our brain. Because the fact of the matter is, our genes tell us to feel good when we overcome adversity, learn, and accomplish things. When we accomplish something (perhaps learning something new) our brains secrete a neurotransmitter called dopamine that makes us feel good. As we all know, what gets rewarded gets repeated. And dopamine is nature's way of getting us to repeat the growth process.

But understanding how we got here is less important than knowing how we're going to get out of here. This is where Kevin Kelley's little quote is golden. Like I mentioned, most adults resist taking any chances that could result in a mistake. When what we should really be doing is embracing our mistakes. Honoring our errors. Exposing our flank.

Robert Kiyosaki is fond of saying something to the effect of, “The biggest failures I have ever met are people who never failed.” (Can you say paradox?) Kiyosaki tells the story his own, biological father, who was highly educated, earning as much as a PhD. But for his whole life, Robert's dad played it safe. He didn't like taking chances because he couldn't stomach the idea of failure. So, the elder Kiyosaki spent his entire career working for the Hawaiian government in the education department. (Maybe one of the lessons he taught was the dangers of mistakes.) One day the father's world collapsed. He had tried to fix some of the problems he saw in the educational system. For his efforts he was rewarded by being thrown out of the educational system and ostracized. The golden years of Robert's dad's life ended up being anything but shiny.

The paradox of the fear of failure leading to ultimate failure is one we should all remember. As you know, I talk a lot about paradoxes, because I think they're so important. The idea, that playing it safe can be a dangerous strategy, comes off as counter-intuitive  It can even seem like it advocates being reckless. But you know better than that. In fact, what Kevin Kelley would advocate, is systematic error management.

Kelley would contend that life is all about systematic error management. Of course, we wouldn't called it systematic error management, that's nerdy as hell! We simply call it being "adaptive" or "rolling with the punches." Humans are the predominant species on the planet due to our ability to adapt. In fact, Tim Harford wrote a book titled Adapt: Why success always starts with failure. In the book, Tim has lots of ideas about failing productively (p-dox!) Here are three examples:

Tim's Principles of Failure:

1. Be willing to fail...a lot.

2. Fail on a survivable scale.

3. Spot a failure and fix it, early

Sometimes we should play it safe. I don't recommend walking a tight rope across the Grand Canyon. I mean, Evel Knievel was entertaining as hell, but I wouldn't follow in his foot steps. The problem arises when we get overly conservative. So, go for it! Take a chance. Ask for the sale. Ask for a date. Ask for that raise. Sing a song. Whatever! And always remember the words of Harry Connick Jr, “Safety's just danger...out of place.”

What this post hopefully illustrates is the centrality of two topics in our lives. Both of them very complicated. One is emotion and the other is paradox. And, as the title of this blog indicates, these are two topics I will discuss often. Indeed, these subjects are quite connected. What holds us back from honoring our errors is the emotion of fear. And, as it turns out, emotions are often very paradoxical indeed. More on this later.

Don't Follow Your Passion

Want great advice on how to great rich? One might advise you to find something you're passionate about. Unfortunately, that “one” would be giving you bad advice. I know I sound damn near blasphemous right now, and that's fine. Over time, I will explain what I'm talking about. For now, I will simply cut to the punch-line and tell you that passion is an outcome, not a starting-point. Meaning, “Follow your passion,” is terrible advice. (I realize this is a subtle and nuanced distinction, but it's very important.) You do, indeed, want to do things you're passionate about. But you need to understand that passion tends to come at the end and not the beginning. “Follow your passion,” suggests that the passion comes first. And the evidence clearly suggests, that's just not true.

Want better advice? “Forget glamorous.” At least that's the advice of Felix Dennis. Have you ever heard of Mr. Dennis? If your answer is “No” it's probably because you're reading this post from these United States. If you happen to be in Great Britain you undoubtedly know the name. Dennis is the man who brought Maxim magazine to America. And, Maxim is a name lots of people know. As it turns out, Felix has made much of his vast fortune in the publishing business.

Dennis is worth hundreds of millions of dollars. To reach that level of success is quite a work load. You might imagine you'd have to be extremely passionate about your work in order to reach such heights. So, is Dennis passionate about the publishing business? The answer is a categorical “No.” If a young person were to ask him if they should go into publishing today, he would definitely tell them not to. Doesn't sound like passion to me.

What had happened was that in the early 1970s Dennis published a magazine about Kung-Fu. Specifically, it was all about Bruce Lee. Then, in 1974, Lee died unexpectedly. All of a sudden, everything pertaining to Bruce Lee, turned into gold. And Dennis had his first financial home run. People generally like to repeat successes, so Felix stayed with publishing. But he wouldn't recommend it as good career advice today. Why? Well, to give another quote from Dennis, “Gold rushes don't happen in old mines.”

The fact is, Dennis was never passionate about publishing. He was passionate about one thing; getting rich. More specifically, he wanted the freedom that comes with being rich. It turns out, Felix's real passion is writing poetry. But, realistically, there isn't a lot of money in poetry. So, Dennis had to utilize the vehicle of publishing in order to create the lifestyle that he was truly passionate about. A lot of people get mixed up here. Passion isn't so much about the job that you do. Because the fact of the matter is, a great deal of the work, in most jobs, is routine and mundane. Passion is much more about the lifestyle you wish to live. Two examples of a desirable lifestyle would be: the opportunity for autonomy and the opportunity to realize your fullest potential.

You'd probably agree that being in the Army isn't easy. For sure, most of what an enlisted man needs to do is routine and mundane. Some might even say it's boring. But the Army serves a valuable purpose. And the slogan that the United States Army used, for the longest time, was very catchy and I'm sure you're familiar with it. They said, “Be all that you can be,” and this recruited LOTS of people. The opportunity to be all that you can be is very attractive to people. (Even if it means putting your life in harm's way.) In the last paragraph I called it the opportunity to, “Realize your fullest potential.” But it's the same as “Be all that you can be.” It's something that people yearn for regardless of the path they may take to get there.

Let me give you one last example of Felix Dennis's advice. The poster boy for the advice, “Forget glamorous,” might well be Wayne Huizenga. Mr. Huizenga is a billionaire who lives in Florida. Have you heard of him? Do you know how Wayne first made millions? He did it with a company called Waste Management, Inc. That's right, Huizenga is the trash man. He's worth billions and he's lovin' his life!

So many people want to go into a sexy career but they overlook one simple concept; the law of supply and demand. Careers like acting, singing, wine-making, and real estate are highly impacted. There's tons of competition. The supply of people willing to do those jobs far out-paces the demand. In turn, the odds of true success are very low.

The key to getting rich is to provide the marketplace with something it wants. Indeed, something it demands. Writing poetry might be fun and sexy, but Felix Dennis himself will tell you there isn't much of a demand. The exact place where you'll find opportunity is in an area of high demand and low supply. Which will generally be a place that ain't so glamorous. This is exactly why Dennis says to forget glamorous. Everyone is trying to do the glamorous work and VERY few really succeed.

Too many people allow their job title to become their identity. Taking out the trash isn't so sexy. So people don't want that job title. When what we should really be focused on is the outcome of the job. Is your job providing you with the life that you want? In his book Drive, Dan Pink does a good job of describing what motivates people. Of course passion motivates people, but what creates passion? Pink answered that question with an acronym called AMP. Dan said that three key ingredients of passion/motivation were: Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose. Does your job provide you with true freedom (autonomy)? Does it allow you to become all that you can be (mastery)? Does it have a mission that gets the juices flowing (purpose)? Just something to think about.

I would contend that passion is glamorous, indeed sexy, regardless of the job you happen to perform. And we're really starting to understand how to cultivate passion. More on that later. Have a great week!

PERMA-net-GLEE

Last week I posted a book report, as I often do. The week before that I began the discussion of paradoxes. This week I want to talk about emotions. Well, specifically, I want to talk about one emotion; happiness. There is a ton of research, currently being conducted, on happiness. This area of academic endeavor has been titled Positive Psychology. Though this field has a long, and storied, history, going back to people like Abraham Maslow and Carl Roger, it was officially launched, as a discipline, in the year 2000 by Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi are juggernauts in the field of psychology and you really need to know about them. Today I will talk about Mr. Seligman. Martin is a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been extremely influential. In fact, it was one of Seligman's observations that played a big part in overturning behavioralism and ushering in the era of cognitive psychology. But I won't get into that right now. What I want to talk about is Marty's latest book. It's called Flourish.

Previously, Seligman had written a book called Authentic Happiness. And, though he is one of the fathers of the field of positive psychology, he no longer likes the moniker “Happiness Research.” Martin believes the word happiness has been so overused as to become meaningless. He wishes to establish a new word to define the field he created. This word is “Flourish.” Seligman's goal is to help the people of the world flourish.

In order to help people flourish Seligman needed a framework. And his new book spells out that very structure. As you know, acronyms help us remember stuff. So the acronym Martin came up with is PERMA. You'll want to remember this. You can think of PERMA as the five levers, or pathways, to happiness. Once you know what the five letters stand for, you'll be able to make a quick reference in your mind, and then course-correct immediately. I do it all the time.

The P stands for Positive Emotions. This is the most commonly understood definition of happiness. It's that hedonic pleasure we experience while feeling good. It exists in the moment. The opposite would be things like sacrifice. Sacrifice is important but it only feels good after the fact. Upon reflection. Positive emotions feel good right now. They are things like joy, excitement, exuberance, etc. And there are definite ways to increase your level of positive emotions. One example would be listening to music that you really like. In addition to that music perhaps you might dance a little. Humans universally enjoy moving to music so dancing might be just the thing you need to lift your spirits. Another option would be to plan a vacation. Anticipation is a big element of excitement and planning a vacation, in vivid detail, is a great way to get excited.

The E stands for Engagement. This means paying attention, but it's even more than that. In 1990, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote an amazing book called Flow. If you haven't read it, you should. Flow is the psychological state of optimal experience. And it's all about engagement. Csikszentmihalyi was studying artist and trying to figure out how their minds were working while they were engaged in their craft. Repeatedly he heard people talk about being caught up in the flow of the experience. Flow is that concentrated focus we experience when still flies by (or stands still) and we completely lose ourselves in what we're doing. Rock climbers often report being in flow, as do surfers. Surgeons can experience tremendous bliss through their job because surgery is fertile grounds for flow. Few of us climb rocks of operate on people. So two other options are reading a good book and participating in a great conversation.

The R stands for positive Relationships. It is quite coincidental that the R falls right in the middle of the acronym. Because scientists tend to agree that positive relationship are the most central aspect of happiness. Humans are gregarious creatures and we find joy and happiness being around other people. Of course, people can also make us miserable. So what really matter is what we do, the work that we put in. Cultivating positive relationships isn't all that different from growing a garden. It takes work and effort but the dividends are significant. It goes without saying (but better with saying) that we should always be working on building positive relationships. It's what I'm doing right now, with you, my friend.

The M stands for Meaning. This one should be pretty self-explanatory. It's simple but not easy. We tend to enjoy ourselves when we are doing things that are meaningful to us. Obviously a prerequisite would be to know what is meaningful to you. This is the part that isn't always easy. It can take some reflection to identify those things that are important to us. It may be spending time with your family. Or it could be service to others. Whatever it is, it's your job to figure it out. Socrates may have been overstating the case when he said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” But he wasn't all that far from the truth.

Lastly, the A stands for Accomplishment. The English language doesn't really have an exact word for my favorite emotion. The closest we can get is “Triumphant.” The Italians happen to have just the word. It's “Fiero.” It's the triumphant feeling we experience when we accomplish something worthwhile. It's an exuberant state that, at least to me, is the very embodiment of happiness. Obviously, the bigger the accomplishment, the greater the feeling of happiness. However, it works on all levels. So go for it. Strive to achieve the goals you have set for yourself. Because that accomplished feeling is true bliss.