An Achiever's Paradox

If you are ambitious, your motivation can backfire. What a pisser!

What I mean is this. The same fire that drives you, can burn you, when you come up short. One way we get burned is when we excessively beat ourselves up for mistakes and failures.

There is a fine line between striving for excellence and perfectionism. And, it is very easy to go too far.

I have heard it said that all people desire acceptance and achievement. Especially in the United States. And, I believe the two things are interconnected.

Here in America, achievement is an important motivator. We were founded upon the Protestant work ethic. David McClelland called it The Achieving Society. All people are expected to achieve and succeed. It can be a lot of pressure.

As paradoxical as it sounds, highly ambitious people also need a good dosage of self-compassion. That's right, you need to be able to forgive yourself. You need to forgive yourself, when you make mistakes, or come up short of your ambition.

Self-compassion is not the same thing as permissiveness or laziness. Self-compassion should be applied when we strive, valiantly, yet come up short. And, come up short we will!

The only way to avoid mistakes is to do nothing. And, of course, by doing nothing, you will achieve nothing. Not a real option.

Listen, there is nothing wrong with having high standards. There is nothing necessarily wrong with ambition.

The problem is there will be times when you fail to meet your own high standard. This is not the time for self-flagellation. This is the time for self-compassion.

Forgive yourself, for the mistake, so you can move forward.

For more information, on this subject, check out the work of Kristin Neff.