Truth > Humility

I was recently speaking with Gary Vaynerchuk. We were discussing the importance of humility.

Usually known as Gary Vee, GV runs an advertising agency in New York. Additionally, he has a large social media presence. If you follow GV you have probably heard him exclaim the importance of humility. His and my particular conversation began when I said “Humility is overrated.”

After our conversation, it is clear to me that Gary and I are in agreement. And, the reason I am writing this post is because I think it is bullshit to tell people to be humble. If you don’t agree with me, allow me to give you my definition of bullshit. My definition of bullshit is “Knowingly or negligently spreading half-truth.” Before I continue, let me share with you Gary’s bio from the Twitch website.

GV’s bio on Twitch:
Gary Vaynerchuk is a serial entrepreneur, and serves as the Chairman of VaynerX, the CEO of VaynerMedia and the Creator & CEO of VeeFriends. Gary is considered one of the leading global minds on what’s next in culture, relevance and the internet. Known as “GaryVee” he is described as one of the most forward thinkers in business – he acutely recognizes trends and patterns early to help others understand how these shifts impact markets and consumer behavior.

Now, if I asked you to give me the top ten adjectives describing that bio, I highly doubt “humble” would be one of them. That isn’t a humble bio. Nor should it be! Let me explain.

Whether we are discussing mammals or electrons, there exists a well-known phenomenon called pair-bonding. And though we didn’t say it this way during our conversation, Gary and I agree humility is pair-bonded with confidence. In other words, you show me a truly confident person and I will show you a truly humble person, because the two things go together.

I think a big part of the confusion stems from the human ability to bullshit and make pretend. If you tell a person to be humble, most likely they will fake it. At the same time, if you tell a person to be confident, most likely they will fake it. The same goes for happiness, gratitude, and many of life’s most valuable virtues.

Though I didn’t say it at the time, I wish I would have told Gary truth is more important than humility (Truth > Humility). Because the truth is humility and confidence are pair-bonded, and a person cannot achieve real confidence without humility. And since people often fake humility, better than telling people to be humble is telling people to know their limits. In other words, know the truth.

I will end with this. Though she was before my time, I think Israel’s former prime minister, Golda Meir, would agree humility and confidence are pair-bonded. Below is the way Ms. Meir put it.

New Day's Resolution

Now that we are in February, apparently many people have abandoned their New Year’s Resolutions. And while this is understandable, it is also regrettable.

Speaking for myself, I abandoned New Year’s Resolutions a long time ago. The way I look at it, resolve is so important, why would you only do it once a year?

If we are being honest, many people use New Year’s Resolutions as an excuse to procrastinate making changes they want to make. I know I have. And so, I came to find that much better than New Year’s Resolutions are New Day’s Resolutions.

By resetting and resolving everyday, I have been much more pleased with the outcomes. And if that seems like too much effort, let me give you an even more extreme example.

Judith Beck is the daughter of the late Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive behavioral psychology. One of the books Ms. Beck has written is called The Beck Diet Solution, where she applies cognitive behavioral psychology to dieting.

The book discusses no foods in particular, rather it focuses on the way we think about our diet and eating habits. Since many people struggle with overeating, I highly recommend Judith’s book. And even if you don’t, the book can be a great introduction to the world of cognitive behavioral psychology.

In the book, Ms. Beck, who has counseled many dieters, tells the story of a common pattern. If you have ever attempted to lose weight, you can probably relate.

To lose weight, most people will have to create and stick to a food plan. And though things may be going well for a time, one day you will probably screw up.

A lot of times the mistake is the result of lack of rest, or being stressed, or any of a number of problems. But regardless of the exact cause, sometimes dieters fall off the wagon and eat food forbidden by their food plan.

What Dr. Beck found is when a dieter stumbles and eats something “bad,” they often tell themselves something to the effect of “Since I have already screwed up, I might as well enjoy the rest of the day. I can restart my diet tomorrow.” I know I have been guilty.

But Dr. Beck specifically calls out the flawed logic, saying just because you messed up doesn’t mean you can’t get back on your food plan. There is no law that says you have to wait until tomorrow. You can give yourself some grace and forgiveness, and get right back on the wagon. You might call it a New Minute’s Resolution, and it makes a lot of sense. Especially the grace and forgiveness part.

I guess what I am saying is, waiting for the New Year is silly and wasteful. But whatever you choose, don’t beat yourself up. Life is challenging and nobody is perfect ❤️